Self-love, to me, means trusting your intuition, having compassion for yourself, and setting strong boundaries immediately upon a red flag (which often comes in the form of a gut feeling but can also come in the form of an emotional trigger).
When this happens, we should not ignore what we feel but rather tune into it to get a better read on what it’s trying to tell us.
I know when I feel triggered, it usually means someone is lying to me, trying to manipulate me, trying to control me, trying to take advantage of me, trying to punish me, or trying to take something from me.
As an empath and recovering people pleaser with a [possible] savior complex, I’ve had to learn the hard way that I can’t help everyone, nor can I fix or save anyone.
People have to fix and save themselves (because it's actually a lot of inner work that only they can understand).
That being said, I choose to no longer help anyone who comes at me from a low vibrational place (playing victim, playing stupid, trying to manipulate, etc... I can see it all now!)
Related: I Woke Up Like This - My Spiritual Awakening Story
Since I have free will, plus I am intentionally putting every effort I have into practicing the insanely important task of loving myself, I understand that I don't have to do anything that I don’t want to do. I also don’t have to do anything that doesn’t feel aligned with my own morals and values or anything that doesn't feel good to me.
I can also CHOOSE not to allow low vibrational energies to attach themselves to me and can disengage so that I don’t get tangled up in their toxicity. Getting tangled will only lower my vibration and, in turn, cause chaos and confusion in my life.
I've had enough of that in my life so I am choosing to make different choices going forward. I prefer peace.
Choosing not to help low vibrational people does not make me heartless. It's quite the opposite actually.
This actually means I am full of love, for both myself AND this person.
I see their purity underneath their layers (everyone is pure at their core,) and love them too much to be an enabler of this kind of behavior. I know they are better than that and so I'm not going to be the one that lets them get away with behaviors that stem from lack or fear.
I can see that the reason they are behaving this way is because of an insecurity they have within them that THEY need to address.
Since we are all responsible for ourselves, I CHOOSE to turn on the tough love and stop giving them any of my energy so that I am protected from any abuse or manipulation.
It may seem "cold" but what actually happens is the low vibrational energy from their insecurity bounces off of me and back at this person who projected it, which forces them to either check themselves and level up or leave and set forth on a mission to find someone else who is unconscious, unhealed, has weak boundaries and allows this person's demons into their realm.
We all have choices.
If this person gets upset at me for setting this boundary, it proves that my gut feeling/emotional trigger was correct and that it's best not to interact with this person because their behaviors are showing me they they do not respect me or my boundaries.
And why would I want to interact with someone who doesn't respect me?
If they choose to leave, I thank my lucky stars because I just saved myself from a lot of trouble.
The moral of this story: Other people's problems are not ours to solve. It's theirs.
I Want to Hear From You!
How do you practice self-love? Do you set healthy boundaries or could they be a bit stronger?
Feel free to comment below and let me know!
Shit Happens So Shifts Can Happen