Well, it's been months since I last wrote a blog post. I have a passion for writing and would love to write more often, but I've been needing some major space to think, analyze and reflect. I also felt like I couldn't write any more blog posts until I wrote this one, (in which I intend to explain myself and why I've been so distant,) but I couldn't write this one until I understood what was going on within myself.
It has taken me about 6 months to realize what the lessons were that I was supposed to learn, but now that I finally feel like I understand them, I am ready to share them with the world. Hopefully my story can give some inspiration to others out there who might be going through a similar struggle or are at least looking for someone who can relate.
This will be a long post, so prepare yourself.
So, in December of 2014, I hit what I believe was my rock bottom, or at least it was the closest to rock bottom I could imagine because I was feeling the lowest I have ever felt in my entire life.
RIDING AN EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER DOWN TO ROCK BOTTOM
Starting in the fall of 2014, I felt like I was reaching the ends of my limits. My life felt like a crazy mess, and no matter how hard I tried to keep my head above water, I still felt like something much stronger than me was pulling me down, deeper and deeper. Eventually, I realized I was riding a fast-moving emotional rollercoaster down into the abyss of my own absolute miserableness.
About two years prior to this, in December of 2012, I straight up quit my 9-5 job and started my own graphic design and marketing business. I had the design skills and experience under my belt, but I had no idea how to get clients or run a business, so I had a huge learning curve ahead of me. I also didn't want any employees (mostly because I couldn't afford them) and so I was forced to do everything all by myself; the design work, the sales, the marketing, the advertising, the customer service, and the accounting (math being my all-time ultimate nemesis.) What I didn't know how to do, I had to teach myself.
Six months after I started my business, any money I had saved was now completely gone and I found myself in a financial bind, so I went looking for some part-time work. Months later, I was juggling several side jobs, while also running my own business, still all by myself. The demands for my attention were high and I constantly felt like I was getting pulled in all sorts of different directions. New opportunities for side jobs were continuously coming my way, and I found it difficult to say "no" to them because I wanted to stay open; I mean, who knows what I could be missing out on? Plus I didn't want to let anybody down.
So I said yes to everything.
I found myself constantly running all over the place, trying to please everyone and feeling ashamed of myself when I couldn't follow through with what I said I'd do. I have always been self-sufficient, a multi-tasker and a person who held their selves at the highest integrity, why was this so hard? Well, I was working seven days a week, I was working out 3-6 hours a day (yes, that's true,) I wasn't eating right, and I was barely sleeping. My brain and body were ON pretty much 24/7.
Regardless of how hard I was working, I was also barely scraping by financially, which caused me a lot of extra stress, frustration and disappointment, mostly directed towards myself. I figured I just wasn't working hard enough, but seriously, how could I work any harder?
Not only did I have business and financial stress, but I was also going through some personal troubles.
For one, I had my fair share of some pretty terrible roommates, who caused me extra stress every day just by living in a disrupted home environment. Because of this, I was constantly moving around to new apartments because I just didn't have the patience to deal with any extra drama in my life. There were two occasions where in one year's time, I had to move four times, and three of those times were over a three month period. This happened in both 2012 and then again in 2014. The whole process of moving steals a lot of your time and your money. Plus, I'm pretty sure my friends were sick and tired of me asking them to give up their Saturday in order to help me haul some boxes up and down stairs all day. Again.
I also had a few deaths in my family. Those are never easy to deal with.
And the icing on the cake; I happened to be working through my own recovery, after a traumatic experience left me feeling emotionally raw, untrusting, fooled, angry, depressed, confused and drained. I discovered I had been dating a narcissist for about a year and a half in 2011/2012, yet I didn't realize that I was being manipulated, emotionally abused, and brainwashed until over a year after we broke up. The whole experience left me feeling like my soul had been ripped right out of me and he didn't seem to have a care in the world about it. He actually seemed more amused by it, like he wanted me to feel like that. The aftermath was the absolute worst part, because it was then when I started to learn what he really was, what really happened, and the fact that I still had a long road of recovery ahead of me. I'll be writing that story later, so be on the lookout for it!
So yeah, this has been quite a stressful time in my life. And actually, all of the things I listed above just happen to be on the list of the Biggest Causes of Stress. It's no wonder why I felt so blah!
Regardless, I didn't want any of those things to stop me from pursuing my dreams.
I knew I was okay with getting uncomfortable, pushing myself past my limits, and powering through my struggles. I was determined not to fail, and I wanted to continue on. Having time freedom and being my own boss were my biggest dreams in life, my highest visions, and so everything I was doing revolved around supporting them. I considered the idea of going back to a 9-5 job a death sentence; if I did that, it ultimately meant I failed, and I could never live with that. I'm an all or nothing kind of girl, so when I truly want something, I will do whatever it takes to get there and keep it. I don't give up easily and I won't go down without a fight, kicking and screaming.
At the time, I figured that the harder I worked now, the quicker I would become financially successful and the quicker I would make it to a state of happiness. Drowning myself in work seemed like the only way.
WHEN PUSHING YOURSELF PAST YOUR LIMITS BECOMES TOO MUCH
There came a point where getting out of bed every morning felt like someone was dragging me into a flaming fire pit. I didn't look forward to the day ahead, and I couldn't wait until I could come back home and hide away in my bed from everyone. I had absolutely no motivation or desire to do anything. My workout schedule went from about 21-hours week to about 1-hour (if I was feeling motivated that week.) I didn't really care about eating healthy and I constantly felt agitated, stressed, depressed and lost.
Even though I felt like absolute sh*t, I still tried my best every day to put a happy face on for the world. I was "tough" after all, and I was taught to never let people know your weaknesses and never let people see you cry. Besides, who wants to be around a complainer or someone who's grumpy all the time?
I didn't want to bring anyone else down, so I just held everything in.
I mean, even if I did complain to anyone, I felt like no one else would understand me or where I was coming from. Who else could possibly be enduring the same kind of pain and daily torment I was going through? Everyone around me seemed to be living happy little lives, there's no way they could relate at the same level.
I tried talking to a few people about some personal troubles I was going through, but no one really seemed to get it. They either couldn't find a way to relate, or they would tell me to just forget about it, leave it in the past and move forward. "Just forget about it?!" I thought to myself, "How the hell do I just stop thinking about something that hurts me every day?!?" I needed to understand why these things were happening in order to find closure and move on. Talking about it helped, but people didn't seem to want to talk about negative stuff all the time.
And so I felt very alone.
Keeping everything in and wearing this fake "happy mask" every day made me want to do nothing other than scream and cry and throw a temper tantrum like a two-year-old who didn't get to eat her cake.
I felt myself going downhill and fast, which was the last thing I wanted or expected. Because of this feeling, I was getting seriously pissed off at myself for not being able to just "power through" and "handle" everything, as I usually do.
What I really wanted to know was why I felt like I was being punished more than rewarded? I mean, I know I'm a good girl, and I try to always do the right thing. I also know I have endurance and I know I'm resilient but why does all this crazy ass sh*t keep happening?! What the hell was I doing wrong?! How long was I supposed to keep this robotic act up? What kind of karma is this?! When the hell was MY DAY going to come?
I hear and preach things like this all the time: "Don't give up, don't quit." "If you want it bad enough, keep going." "You're going to get there, just hold strong." "Giving up is the easiest thing you could ever do, but holding it all together when everyone expects you to crumble, that is true strength."
Well, f*ck, I felt like I was about to crumble.
TIME TO FIGHT WITH SELF SACRIFICES AND TOUGH LOVE
I believe in "tough love," so that's how I usually go about talking to myself. It has helped me power though many struggles in the past, so I figured why should I change things up now? I was currently drowning in one of the biggest struggles of my life, if not the biggest, so why not just gear up the "tough love" to it's highest degree?
The holiday season is one of my most favorite times of the year. I am usually all about the parties, the food and the fun that go on during that time.
"Well, that's too bad," I told myself. "Since you haven't been hitting the financial goals you set for yourself and you haven't been able to stick to your meal plan and workout plan, you don't deserve to have any fun. You will just be working through the holidays this year."
On Thanksgiving, I drove for Lyft all day and night and "treated" myself to a lame ass veggie wrap from Ralph's for my Thanksgiving dinner. "That's all you get, because that's all you deserve," is actually what I told myself.
During that time, most of my income was actually coming from Lyft, as I didn't have too many graphic design projects going on. I was driving most hours of every day, and yet I was still struggling to pay my bills. The hours were killer, but the worst part was having to make a serious effort to be friendly and nice to people. On the inside, I was a miserable bitch and jealous of everyone. They were all out having fun and enjoying life, and I was driving them all around the city, working my ass off, getting paid in "peanuts" and hating every damn minute of it.
No matter how hard I worked, I still didn't feel like I deserved anything good. I'd tell myself every week, "You need to work HARDER! What the f*ck is so hard about this? Why couldn't you just put in a few more hours... JUST A FEW MORE?!" I would continue to punish myself by not allowing myself any free time to hang out with friends or even just to relax at home alone. I worked every day, all day. I was a slave to the inner demons in my head.
When my mom asked me if I was coming home for Christmas, I told her, "No. I can't afford to take any time off of work and I don't deserve it." She tried to convince me to come home by offering a plane ticket on her, and I still said no. This would be the first time in my life that I wouldn't be with my family on Christmas. As we both realized this, we ended up crying on the phone together, until I couldn't take it anymore and told her I had to get off the phone. I couldn't bear to hear her cry. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her.
She later told me she was really sad but she was also inspired by my choice to make the sacrifices of hard work. I liked being an inspiration to her, and wanted her to be proud of me, but yet after making that decision, I immediately felt myself sink lower into my own misery. All I could picture in my head was all of my family together on Christmas, laughing and having fun, while I sat alone in my car, 3,000 miles away, waiting to give someone a "Lyft" to their own family Christmas party.
And if I changed my mind and wanted to come home after all, then I wouldn't be an inspiration to my mom anymore.
Seriously, there has been some crazy ass psychological sh*t going on in my head.
HITTING ROCK BOTTOM
At the beginning of December 2014, I found myself constantly breaking down and crying out of no where. I was also finding it immensely hard to be around people, and because of this I drove for Lyft much less. But the less I worked, the more stress I had about less income coming in.
On December 9th, I wrote this little blog post when I was feeling my lowest. It's pretty sad and depressing, now looking back at it.
I realized that I had finally crumbled and I hit my rock bottom
I realized the strong girl I thought I was, was all just make-believe. It wasn't a reality.
I had started my own graphic and website design business two years ago so that I could have more time freedom, I could work anywhere, and I could call the shots, however, I currently felt like I had none of these things going for me. All the effort I put into the past few years was for nothing. I had failed. Entrepreneurship took what little soul I had left in me, sucked it right out of me and then beat it with a wooden mallet.
I felt like I was dead.
TIME TO MAKE SOME CHANGES
I laid around in my tiny little studio apartment for about a week, sulking in my own misery. I had nothing left in me than my own thoughts. After a week of just thinking, I realized that something needed to change because being miserable like this was no way to live.
I had accepted failure at entrepreneurship by this point and so I found it very easy to just let go of everything that was weighing me down.
"F*ck it all! I'm just going to take a break and go do whatever makes me happy right now," I told myself. "I don't care what anyone else thinks."
And so I did.
I stopped trying so hard in everything and just let myself go with my flow. Wherever life took me, that's where I went.
GOING WITH THE FLOW
The first thing I went searching for was a 9-5 graphic design job. Financial stress was the biggest weight on my shoulders so I decided that was what needed to be taken care of first. I figured at the very least, if I went back to a 9-5 job, I could use it as a break for a little while, and then maybe try entrepreneurship again sometime in the future. I found a few potentials online and sent over my resume along with an honest cover letter, admitting to my failure of being able to work for myself but also highlighting the fact that I was wasn't afraid to be independent or take initiative.
The second thing I went searching for was someone to date. I had two reasons why I wanted to date someone; 1) because I wanted and needed to go out and have some fun and 2) because I wanted to feel like someone cared about me. I hadn't even talked to any potential guys in about 8 months, which was the longest I had ever gone without someone in my life. I did end up meeting someone who was very caring and a lot of fun, and actually continued to date him for the next few months. He was the first boyfriend I had in over two years, ever since my relationship with that narcissistic monster ended. I had a lot of walls up for a very long time, but I let them down with him. It was comforting to know I could trust someone again and because of that, it gave me hope.
The third thing I did, also happens to be the turning point in this story; I decided to give Uber a try.
Back in November, I had taken an Uber while I was out with some friends (the only night that month I allowed myself to go out and have some fun.) I was talking to the driver and he told me about an Uber incentive where you get a $500 sign-up bonus if you already drive for a competitor and once you complete 20 rides (read the story here.) I told him I could totally use $500 right now, so I got his referral code and signed up right away. I got all the paperwork done pretty quickly and was all set to hit the road, but for some strange reason, I felt hesitant to drive. I believe it was because I didn't think I could handle having two ride-share apps open at once; I was afraid that it would put even more stress on me and I was clearly already stressed enough. I also didn't want to waste any time.
About a week after I hit my rock bottom, I decided what the hell, I'll just try it for an hour and see how I handle it. So one Friday night, while I was out sitting in my car, waiting for a Lyft request, I also signed in to the Uber driver app.
And boy was I glad I did! I got a request right away and continued to get request after request, with hardly any wait time, unlike Lyft. The people seemed generally more mature than the Lyft crowd and the money was much better, too! I realized I could make way more in less time and so THAT excited me 🙂 Uber helped turn my gray skies to blue and that Friday night, I instantly felt recharged.
I decided that since I would be receiving my $500 Uber referral bonus, I could use that towards a last minute trip home for Christmas, which is really all I wanted at that point in time. I ended up calling my mom about a week before Christmas and told her I was going to book a plane ticket home that day and I would be home in a week. She was ecstatic and I finally had something to look forward to.
That same week, I stumbled upon some new music, which totally revved me up and helped me feel motivated and powerful again. I put these two songs on replay over and over again, the entire week I was waiting to go home for Christmas: 1) Beyonce's - Grown Woman, and 2) Izzy Azalea's - Work.
Something about who these two artists are and the messages they send through each of these songs hit home with me. Both songs are sung by some pretty badass female artists, who have been through some seriously tough sh*t. They've walked through the fire, and they've been burned, yet they are still here to talk (or rather, sing) about it. They're not ashamed of their scars.
Their struggles have made them who they are today and by sharing their struggles, they have become an inspiration for millions of people. People want to feel like someone out there can to relate to what they are going through and that they're not alone. I think that's what music does for people; it connects souls together, even if they have never met in person. Music makes people feel like their emotions are validated, that it's okay to feel that way because you're not the only one who does.
The messages I got out of these two songs are this: You're a grown woman so you can do whatever YOU want to do. You always have choices. Never give up and never stop chasing your dreams. Respect yourself enough to know you deserve the best and never let anyone treat you any less!
DOING SOME SOUL SEARCHING
While I was going with the flow of life, I had a lot more time to think and reflect. I realized that when you're going and going and going, you don't have a lot of free time alone with yourself to do this; you're just living in an anxious state of mind, trying to be prepared for the next person you need to make happy.
Well, in my thinking process, I realized that somewhere along this raggedy dark path I've been on, I must have fallen and bumped my head; I had forgotten that I am the only boss of me.
All of a sudden, it was as if a light bulb turned on.
We all have choices to make, and we all have to take responsibility for our actions. The only thing that controls you is your own mind. I realized I have been the one calling the shots this entire time. I didn't have another person telling me what to do; the only person telling me what to do was me. It was then that I learned the lesson I was supposed to learn from all of this:
If I can make myself really miserable, I can also make myself really happy.
So I sat down and took a look at everything I was doing and what it was that was making me miserable. I then thought about what I'd rather be doing, and what would make me happy.
I realized working as much as I was combined with not doing what I really wanted to do (driving for Lyft vs. being creative) was what was making me miserable. Furthermore, not rewarding myself for all my hard work, not taking time off to decompress, and talking down to myself only made things worse, not better. I decided I needed to make a schedule for myself to balance out a proper work/life balance. I also needed to learn how to not feel guilty about treating myself to something nice every now and then.
So I decided that when I came back from my week-long Christmas break, I was going to work on setting a schedule for myself, which included time off. I was also going to work on changing my attitude and be a little more compassionate towards myself. I was doing the best I could with what I had.
A LIGHT ON THE HORIZON
Since I was making more with Uber and in less time, I decided to use the extra time I had in the week to work on some stuff I was interested in. One of things I had been wanting to learn was SEO (search engine optimization,) in order to help me grow my business. If I could learn this, and apply it, then I wouldn't have to work so hard trying to get clients. People who were searching online for the services I offered could find me, instead of me spending time and money getting out there and trying to find them. With more people coming to me, I'd have more choices to choose from and I could say no to the people I really didn't want to work with. All I could envision was more money and less stress and I liked that idea.
I had this SEO book I had been meaning to read for the past two years, but hadn't even started it. I decided there was no time better than right now. It was time for things to change for the better.
I ended up reading a good portion of the beginning of the book and understood it. Then I got this crazy idea...
"Let's put something small to the test," I told myself.
I decided to write a blog post about how to earn a $500 new driver bonus with Uber. I put my driver referral code in there, told my little story, and applied some of the basic SEO that I learned. I wrote that post as a test to see if anyone would find it and sign up to be a driver. If they did, I knew I was on to something.
About two weeks later, I received a notice that someone signed up to drive for Uber using my referral code. Since I didn't know them, I realized this must have been because of my blog post... and best of all, the SEO must be working!
Almost every day after that, I would receive new notices that other people signed up to drive with my referral code. Shortly after that, I started receiving notices that I earned my referral bonus money through this person or that person. And right after that, I would see the money direct deposited into my bank account.
The SEO most definitely was working and it got me beyond excited! Oh the possibilities! I ended up writing a few other blog posts when Uber, as well as Lyft, upped their promo codes to a $1,000 bonus in January. And since December 2014 until today (June 2015,) I have made roughly $7,700 in referral bonuses through my blog by applying SEO. That's about $1,250 on average a month, for 6 months. Now THAT is what I call passive income!
That first blog post has been my #1 post read on this blog to this day. As I write this, I'm currently at 1,451 views for that post alone. It blows my mind how one little post I spent a few hours writing one day, has continuously made me money without much further effort.
Now every time I earn some extra money, I use it to give myself some time off. I'll take a "staycation" and just chill in San Diego for a week. Or I'll book a trip somewhere for a long weekend or even a week. Whatever I do, I just make it a point to stop working and enjoy life a bit more. I've been a lot less stressed since then and I feel really excited; I think I'm totally onto something here! I plan on doing a lot more with this in the near future, and I'm looking forward to seeing what happens! I think I've discovered what I'm supposed to be doing!
WHAT I LEARNED
Since I started entrepreneurship 2.5 years ago, I have felt like I’ve been reborn. I’ve felt like many things have had to be relearned, at a particular level, and it’s been a very experimental stage in my life. Lots of trials and errors!
I have probably learned more quality lessons in personal development as well as business development in the past 6 months than I have ever before. I think it may have something to do with the fact that I've been rewarding myself with more time off, so I get to reflect and think more. Now that I've learned these lessons, I believe things are only going to flow more smoothly for me as time goes on.
I've compiled two lists below of what I've learned about both myself and about life, since I've been "reborn." Check them out, as maybe they will help you out as well!
7 Things I've Learned About Life Since Becoming an Entrepreneur
- Always go too far, because that’s where you’ll find the truth. You don’t know the limits until you push yourself past them.
- You have to learn to say no without feeling guilty. Setting boundaries is healthy. You need to learn to respect and care for yourself; no one else is going to! In order to set boundaries, however, you must first learn you limits.
- Learn to trust your gut and your heart. They will always find a way to let you know when something is wrong and when something is right.
- You can’t do a good job if your job is all you do. Find a work/life balance. Rest and self-care are really important. When you take the time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to help others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.
- Having scars is nothing to be ashamed of; it just means you were stronger than whatever it was that tried to hurt you. Celebrate them! You're still here!
- Be gentle with yourself and others. Treat others the way you would like to be treated, and make sure people are treating you the way you want to be treated! If they aren't, let them go. You don't need to explain why.
- He who angers you, controls you. When you look deeply into your own anger, you will see that the person you call your enemy is also suffering. Learn not to internalize the anger and frustration and just let it all pass through you; holding onto anger will only continue to torment you. Forgive, leave it in the past and move forward.
13 Things I've Learned About Myself Since Becoming an Entrepreneur
- I thought I had failed at entrepreneurship, when in reality I didn't. All I had to do was let go of the heavy sh*t and follow my heart. My heart showed me what I was meant to be doing and I know it's right because I am actually happy when I'm doing it. I've also noticed that the universe seems to reward me with good karma when I'm doing more of what I'm meant to be doing, like being creative or making sure I take time off. I've been trying to stick to a schedule where I take 2 days off out of the week. I don't always follow this schedule perfectly, as I still sometimes feel guilty about not working, but when I do stick to it, I find that I'm usually rewarded in some way.
- I’m an empath. I can feel everything, even the energies of others… even if they are dark. Before I learned how to protect myself, there were a few times where dark energies had transferred over to me from the negative people in my life. Sounds kind of crazy, I know, but I could feel what they were most likely feeling inside of them, probably all of their lives; like there was a chemical sh*t storm swirling around inside their bodies. When these "chemical sh*t storms" transferred over to my body, I couldn’t figure out why I felt so horrible and didn't know how I could help myself feel better (the people who carried these dark energies clearly couldn't either.) It felt like I was caught up in one of those fun house mirror rooms and I couldn't figure out how to escape. But after some time, I realized that all of our energy, and all of our actions, stem from the brain. These negative people in my life were clearly mentally unstable as well as mentally weak. I knew I wasn't truly like them and so I realized that I had the mental power within me to help myself. So I started by telling the demons in my head to just shut the F*CK up when they were putting me down or being negative, and low and behold I found that they actually listened! I've been continuing to practice this and it seems to be working, as I've been much happier the past 6 months. It's not always easy but it's worth it! Happiness is always worth it. Remember; you are in control of your own thoughts. What you allow will continue. No one can hurt you without your permission.
- I’m personality type INFP-T (introversion, intuition, feeling, perception, turbulent) on the myers-briggs personality indicator. By taking this personality test, it has helped with my own personal growth by showing me how I operate and how to achieve balance in my life. I found what it said about my personality to be on point! I need a LOT more alone time than most people and prefer solitary activities. Social interaction exhausts me. I’m imaginative, I rely on intuition and I focus on what might happen. I’m also sensitive, I follow my heart and focus on harmony and cooperation. And finally, I’m good at improvising, keeping my options open and I seek freedom. I can be self-conscious, and tend to be a success-driven perfectionist. I strategize by seeking constant improvement (I can always get better at something.) Only 4% of the population has the same personality as me so it can be hard to relate with others. Explains a lot! But it really helps me understand myself better. Want to find out what personality you have? Take your own Personality Test!
- All the dark things I’ve seen and all the pain I’ve experienced were shown to me for a few reasons: To show me how strong I am, to show me exactly who I don’t want to be, and to help me understand the deep pain (by actually feeling it myself!) in others. By understanding all of this, I am better able to help others because I’ve been there myself. I personally don’t really trust anyone who tries to help me with particular problems, unless they’ve been through it themselves. I appreciate things I used to take for granted a lot more now because I've been in those low, dark places just wishing I could have things that others had. Don't complain and be happy with what you have in this moment... someone out there has it worse.
- Not a lot of people seem be able to relate to me and I believe it’s because most people are afraid to really get outside of their comfort zones. I've been learning how to deal with this (that not many people will "get" my vision or be able to relate to my pain) and have been making sure I befriend the few people who can relate… those people are my golden gems!
- I have learned what I truly love to do, and so I plan on putting more focus on those areas and less on the areas that I don't love to do so much. I have been given certain gifts in life and I am meant to be using them, not throwing them away. If I’m not doing enough of what I love or I go off track for too long, my body and mind and the universe will somehow let me know. I realize now that I’m not meant to be a worker bee, as it’s not challenging enough for my mind and it doesn’t get me the results out of life that I truly desire. I’m also not meant to work for anyone else but myself. I’m meant to find my own way of making passive income. I want to work smarter, not harder. I want to work less, not more. I want more time freedom so I can travel and be more adventurous. I will not stop until I get what I want. I want to be a self-made success!
- I live better alone and work better alone. I am also happier when I’m single. I don’t like drama and I like to just do my own thing. I also feel my best when I’m alone more than when I’m with people. I like being social, but only for short periods of time. This is why I really enjoy blogging, graphic design and website design. I can be creative and express myself, and 90% of the time I don’t need to talk to anyone. This is also the reason why I finally decided to get my own place. Now I can work from home and not have to go out and see a soul for a day if I don’t want to 🙂
- I don’t mind multitasking and running around doing different things throughout the day. Routines and schedules get boring to me; I constantly feel the need to change things up. I also don’t like walking, running or driving the same path twice; I’ll always try to take a different route or find a loop. Although I don't like schedules and routines, I do work best on them... mostly because they are easy and you usually know what to expect. But I don't want easy; I want every day to be different! It's been a tough adjustment for me, not having a schedule, but I think that's mostly because it's all I've ever known my whole life! But that's all in the past 🙂 I now make a flexible schedule, and usually take 20 minutes to plan out the next day the night before. I don't put too many things on my list of things to-do, as I don't want to overwhelm myself and then not do anything at all. Seems to be working great so far!
- I have a lot of energy and feel my best when I workout a lot. About 2-3 hours a day usually puts me in my happy place. I know I don't need to spend hours working out, but I actually enjoy it. Plus, I like to eat a lot 😉 I also thrive on high intensity workouts like HIIT, heavy lifting mixed with plyos, soccer, etc. It is absolutely important for my health and mental state that I make daily exercise a priority.
- I definitely need meat in my diet, red meat being a major one. I’m an O blood type so if I go even a day without meat, my energy levels drop ridiculously low and nothing seems to function right. I also don't like eating the same thing every day so I try to be creative with each meal. I prefer to eat things freshly made (not leftovers or prepped meals) so meal prepping has been a bit of a challenge for me. But making some staples, like having both seasoned chicken and steak readily available seems to help.
- I’ve learned to raise my pricing for my services. I’m a perfectionist so I will make sure any project I’m working on has all of it’s "I’s" dotted and "T’s" crossed. Because I always make sure to take the extra time to triple check everything, you can be sure your project will be completed exactly how you wanted. For that, it’s not cheap work, but you get what you pay for and I know I always give quality work. I know my worth and am only looking for clients who appreciate me.
- I try not to care so much of what people think of me any more. I’m not here to make everyone happy, I’m here to be me and make me happy. If you like who I am and what I do, I’d be happy to share the wealth! If not, go bother someone else. I’m always going to end up doing my own thing anyway.
- I am a strong person and I’m worth a lot! I now realize my worth and won’t settle for anything less than I deserve!
In conclusion, I'd like to leave you with some wisdom. Be sure to take the time to figure out what your purpose is in this life. Once you figure out who you are and what makes you the happiest, you will work harder and smarter for that, because being happy is ultimately all that really matters in the end.
Hitting rock bottom was probably the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I learned that I have limits, where they end and that it takes a LOT to get me to that point. Once I got there, however, it was as if I had reached the top of a mountain. Yes, I was exhausted and hungry but I could see everything below me incredibly clearly!
I learn best by doing, not by someone telling me what to do and what not to do. Trying everything and making mistakes doesn't make you worse, it makes you better, as long as you don't punish yourself and are open to learning.